I recently finished reading Peggy Orenstein’s Cinderella Ate My Daughter, an inspection of the girlie-girl culture and its influence on how women view themselves. In the second or third chapter, she notes that eschewing “girl” toys for “boy” toys – i.e., encouraging daughters to play with trucks instead of dolls – doesn’t really boost the notion of gender equality. Instead, she writes, “it disparages the feminine, signals that boys’ traditional toys and activities are superior to girls’.” … this got me thinking about ways we talk about the feminine in our culture. Examples that jump to mind immediately are those that imply an inferiority to the masculine. And if not an inferiority to the masculine, then a threat to it, or a view that the feminine is undesirable to the masculine norm.
“Frailty, thy name is woman!” Hamlet spat at his mother. Another dead English playwright, William Congreve, gave us “Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.” (Translation: “Bitches are crazy!”) Both phrases have long survived their authors and integrated into common thought among English speakers. To be clear: I’m not blaming Shakespeare for sexism. I love that line in the context of the play. It’s dynamite dialogue from a masterpiece. I’m just saying it’s emblematic of what I suspect is a common notion in our language use: womanliness is undesirable.
We don’t have to look at highly regarded literature to see how lowly we regard “the feminine” in our speech. If one were to cry at a movie or show a little sentimentalism, it wouldn’t be out of the norm for him or her to diffuse the awkwardness with, “I’m such a girl,” or for him or her to hear that accusation. If one’s friends were being particularly cruel or crass, he/she might be accused of being a “pussy.” That, of course, carries a double disparagement: not only is the feminine being slandered as weak; the very organ of femininity is belittled as disposable and despicable. This is something, frankly, I’ve never understood. Not that I’m any fan of that vulgarity, but why should “vagina” be equated with weakness and inferiority? Given that the vagina is an immensely powerful piece of anatomy that men cannot boast, and the tunnel through which human life emerges, doesn’t it deserve more respect than low-rent slang? For all the the virtues of testosterone (and I’m happy to admit them), a man simply cannot do what a woman can do – what many women do, several times over, often. They may be bigger and stronger, on average, but the most grueling physical task in the human race belongs to women. In that case, the feminine is the most extraordinary one can ever aspire to.
But aren’t discussions of the demeaning of the feminine getting tired these days? Maybe not for everyone, but I know I tire of them. I am, at heart, an optimist. Certainly, there have to be some positive examples of the feminine used in our common parlance! Perhaps even some that view the feminine as something to aspire to?
I’ve got ships and cars. There have to be more than that. Help me out, folks. What can you think of?
